July 27, 2014 One of those nights when i couldn’t sleep…and was inspired to write: “Reveal”

How come we have such pride in what we are not inside?

It was grace that my heart was taught.

From the time I walked any time I sing,

it was God that showed  me everything.

You are all wisdom eternal,  try me Lord and see-

I cannot make up anything, unless it matched with your offering.

 

Try me and see if there is anything good in me…

For my  heart would not choose anything good,

the closest comes to when I care for the brotherhood

and my own young is where i see the little good in me.

I am powered by your grace- fueled by a love that would embrace

all of me, though I be such a foolish soul as me.

Now,  I repent and turn away of all those things that are made of clay-

away from things that make you frown:  that turn this world upside down.

Help me be your little lamb, pure in heart and pure in plan .

Let me be like you Lord- fully seen, fully poured out with joy,

laid out clean- like your newborn girl or boy.

 

 

MamaMiaLove

 

Suffering: What do we do about it… and with it? by Mamamialove

 

Suffering…what can we make of it? Why do we go through it? What good can come out of it? The bible says much good can come…see how St. Paul reflects on this idea.

Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.”

John Schoenheit says in a paraphrase of what St. Paul says about suffering as it relates here in Colossians:

“Now when I see the full extent of God’s mercy, now when I ponder over His mighty work of reconciliation, I cannot choose but to rejoice in my sufferings. Yes, I Paul the persecutor. I Paul the feeble and sinful am permitted to supplement. I do not shrink from the word to supplement the afflictions of Christ despite all that he underwent. He, the master, has left something still for me the servant to undergo, and so my flesh is privilege to suffer for his body, his spiritual body, the church.”

I, Mama, woke up thinking about verse 24..and it was hard to figure out… but this particular website I found out…plus many others served  up some pretty good understanding of what it means .

John Schoenheit says:
“I want to tell you that as I was studying this verse and praying about this verse and asking the Lord to show me what this verse meant, he gave me this picture. I am not saying that this picture is God breathed; it is just what I believe the Lord gave me to help understand this verse. Maybe it will help you, too. I played racquetball and squash in college and occasionally played handball. The Lord showed me a cement wall like you would see at the end of a racquetball or squash court. It had a super ball thrown against it. That super ball bounced off that cement wall and bounced all over the room. The Lord showed me that if we refuse to accept the sin that has been dealt to us, the unfairness, the abandonment, the lack of love, or the abuses, and they pile up as bitterness and hurt in our heart, then those hurts bounce off and go around hurting other people. That is pretty commonly known in our society in what we call hurting people, hurt people. One picture that the Lord gave to me was a cement wall and the super ball was thrown against it. The super ball bounced all over the place. He then showed me the same wall again with a lump of modeling clay that was thrown against it. It went “thud,” and it stuck right on the wall. That was as far as it went. The Lord just gave me the understanding that “John, you can get hit with sin and become angry, bitter, hurt, and all that will bounce out and hurt others, or you can simply take it and between you and me, deal with it.” Ladies and gentlemen, you can learn like Paul to rejoice in the midst of the sufferings, and you can be proud to participate in the redemptive process. Like Paul, you can fill up in your flesh what is lacking in regard to Christ’s affliction because sin is still out there. The world’s redemption is not complete. Sin is still there. Hurt is still there. Pain is still there. You have a choice. You are going to experience it, so you have a choice. You can stop it in you and learn to work it out with you and the Lord and just realize that it is part of the redemptive process, and the Lord will heal you. The other choice is to be all angry and bitter about the hurt, the pain, and the injustice of life and build that up in your heart. Eventually, it will bounce off and start hurting other people.” so says John S.

Then, like him , I read, Philippians 3:10
“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings,”

St. Paul said I want to share in the “fellowship” of Christ sufferings.  What is this fellowship he speaks of?

When Paul, of the highest of Pharisees, set himself up as judge of this “new way” sect …this group of Christ followers….and he began hunting them down. But, as God would have it, as he was on his way on the road to Damascus to slay Christians…the Lord stopped him completely in his murderous campaign… by first blinding him. How metaphoric of the Lord…such a teaching…but his  physical blindness didn’t last long. For God was showing and giving him new “vision.”

Wow…Jesus first asked Paul this:

Acts 9:4
“He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”
Then the voice of God told him where to go and what he was going to do…and that specifically was to suffer for him…suffer to forgive himself, suffer to bring the gospel to the gentiles…to be part of the redemptive process…wow and wow!
Schoenheit continues…
“You see, you are part of the Body of Christ, and the redemptive process of Christ because the redemption of the world is still occurring. That is why the world around us is still fallen, and that is why people are in the world are still getting saved.” .

I Mama, believe this also…there is a connection of Christ sufferings with ours..it is a mystical union…a oneness, but in detail-still a great mystery!
If we , lovingly and willingly  give our sufferings to Christ…and in return – turns our, as someone once said, “scars into stars.”

Remember Romans 8:28…where he promises…that everything will work together for good…and that includes or sufferings…dear one..don’t waste them…give them to God, on behalf of your own failings and sinfulness but give them for the sake of your family, loved ones and friends…for that matter the whole church.

Here are more scriptures on it:

2 Corinthians 1:3 and 4
(3)” Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
(4) who comforts us in all our troubles,”

I, Mama, believe
What of bitterness and our hurt…we place it in his cup of perfect and complete redemption…then we do our part…cause we are one with Him…we unite our sufferings with our Lord. We do it every time we partake of the Lords table!
John Schoenheit quotes more scripture and says:

” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
(3) Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
(4) who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
(5) For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”

It is not just that we just stop in Colossians that ‘I fill up in my flesh what was lacking in regard to Christ’s sufferings.” It is not just that I have to suffer, and that is the end of it. In verse five it says, “The sufferings of Christ are going to over flow into our lives.’ That is because the world is not fully redeemed yet, and Christ is still suffering, personally and through his Body. You and I as members of the Body of Christ are part of that suffering, and we are part of that redemptive process. You and I are filling up in our flesh what was lacking in Christ’s affliction.
Do you know what? That is not the end of the story. It is not that I am being beaten up and beaten up and beaten up. The end of the story is in verse five.”

2 Corinthians 1:5 says,
‘ For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows…’ so says John S.

Mama rejoices in “this comfort” in tribulation.
How about :
“1 Corinthians 15:58
…you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Colossians 1:24a
Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you…,”
John Schoenheit remembered that too in his commentary.

The Apostle Paul wrote that. We want to be able to rejoice in what we suffer for others in this life even though we are suffering from them. We do this because it is part of the redemptive process that we are suffering for them also.

Let’s look again dear ones…oh Holy Spirit open the eyes of our heart and the understanding of our mind-natural and supernatural…

Colossians 1:24
“Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.”

It will help us to get over anger and bitterness if we realize that taking it and giving it to the Lord, not harboring it and being upset about it, that we are actually participating in the redemptive process, says John S.

Now Schoenheit recaps :

“Our goal is to become like Christ. What stands in the way are things that are in our heart that keep us from being like Christ. Those things will try to work their way out of our heart. Those things that are in our heart will come out of our heart even if we do not like what we see, such as anger and bitterness. We want to change our heart. We want to purify it so that we can be like Christ. We are going to have to have confidence that the change will occur. We want to pray for God’s help and get God involved. We want to realize how serious the situation is, and we have to prepare to work hard, and even take drastic action if it is necessary to change our hearts.

About the hurt and pain and abandonment and abuse that you have already suffered that has produced anger and bitterness, Ephesians 4:31 says to get rid of it. It is going to help you get rid of it if you understand it. You will understand it better if you understand that you are part of the redemptive process. You and I have the privilege of helping to redeem this world from its sin. An awesome privilege is it not?”
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[Excerpts taken from this website: “Truth or Tradition” by John Schoenheit]
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Hope you are blessed from this sharing of faith.

MamaMiaLove

Halloween Then and Now

Hi folks.

I love Autumn! I love the colors and the sleepy feeling…the slowing down of my pulse…You say slowing down…I guess I am still talking like an  US Easterner. Cause that’s what happens when you live back East as opposed to living in LA.

When we came to Cali…in 1949…it was already busy on La Brea Avenue in Los Angeles. We lived on a busy corner of La Brea , a famous street that led to Rodeo Road in one direction and to the industrial section the other direction…There was Beverly Hills, which my sister used to take buses to to get autographs from such famous persons as Jeff Chandler and Mario Lanza back then. Then there was her Catholic School  Bishop Conaty girls High(which now is Lady of Loretto High School. We didn’t have money to send me and my older brother there. So we went to a public school 5 blocks away which I walked at 5 years of age. Wow. That won’t happen today- right?

Things were pretty plain and simple back then. I would do my chores and then watch TV till mom came home. One event proved very serious. There was two things..the earthquake of 51 , I believe, it did some damage to our sidewalk mainly. And that fateful day a garbage truck man fell asleep at the wheel and careened into our bedroom of our house. It so happened that I always played there in that very corner…underneath my Nonna’s old fashioned pedal-push sewing machine. I guess I felt her presence there. I would sit for hours playing with my dolls. One afternoon around lunchtime…mom interrupted my play with: “Lauren come and wash your hands and have some lunch…” I, for some silly reason hesitated…like children do in order to exercise their power. When I didn’t come right away…she called out again…the same thing, but louder and more firmly.  I smiled and hesitated…feeling very obstinate…I was so comfortable with my dollies and I. Then it happened. I literally heard a voice saying something like: “Get up now and wash your hands!” The voice was very firm and scary to me…I think I had never heard that sound before. I was only around four and a half or five years of age.

I quickly responded …out of sheer fear…and ran to the bathroom. No sooner had I wet my hands with soap did I hear a thundering crashing sound and all the white powder from the collaspsing walls filled the hallway bathroom and living room. I stood in shock for the longest time…it seemed. It was very surreal …for I barely heard my mom through the rubble screaming my name…”Lauren Lauren…where are you…are you alright?” I crawled over the mess to my mothers arms. She enfolded me into her arms where I felt such overwhelming love. My poor mom…she went through so much with me…having to go to work while I was so young…going through my several pneumonia and whooping cough bouts that almost took my life several times. Now this shocker!

Now looking back, I feel that something was always chasing me in my life to stop me from just being me. I don’t do anything special like everyone else…I just believe in love. I try to sing about it…and love my family and have a few friends. Just a few. I can’t understand how people have to have so many friends…I get exhausted just taking care of my family! LOL

Now I come  to Halloween. Back then , when I first started doing Halloween…my sister said in the Catholic schools they would stress two feast days in the church around Halloween time. All Hallows Eve(which is the night of Halloween) which is the feast of All Saints. Hense that is where the name originally came from. And the very next day…feast of All Souls where Catholics pray for the Souls of the dearly departed. That is the customary tradition of praying for the dead in purgatory. They didn’t know where their parents or grandparents went so just in case the church prays for family members with masses and other devotionals.

Purgatory is a place of cleansing…a place where the person is good…but doesn’t really have a relationship with their God and a relationship with the body of Christ.

Purgatory was instituted because of signs wonders and prophetic visions from the saints…mainly the visitations on earth from the Virgin Mary , the mother of Christ.

There is an inference of this place in the bible. It is the verse where Jesus after he died visited “the imprisoned spirits.” He, no doubt, spoke to them about salvation. These imprisoned spirits are explained to us by modern Biblical scholars that these spirits were those that were patiently and faithfully waiting and believing for the Messiah. God love and faithfulness in turn is magnified and glorified by the fact that He, The Christ, the Messiah kept his Word and did visit them and deliver them from their affliction. Second chapter of this rare story in the bible can only be seen through the eyes of faith. I would presume then, once hearing the gospel in person from “the Christ” himself then they the imprisoned spirits would accept Him as their  Jeshua Mashiach  and be saved. But, that part is left for your spiritual upbringing, knowledge of scripture and  imagination.

I digress. Now the Halloween back then in the fifties and hundreds of years before in the church never celebrated death, gore and mutilation. Today it is being done.Back then the church had the kids dress up in their heroes of faith- The Saints. That culture was more innocent. But how did we go from the positive images to the negative? Hollywood for one started seeing that there was money in Horrifying people. Christ came to bring positive images of peace and love and faith. The horror movies brought on fear, bad dreams and over-cautiousness of people around us. They feed the souls of the sick, mentally ill and criminal minds. Life imitated film. But that’s not all that is to blame…we must realize that are hearts by nature are not good-“Our hearts are deceitfully wicked…” the bible says. Without good guidance we go astray quickly.

Why else did we go from something sweet to something evil? Please ask yourself that.  Please ask why witchcraft and Satanism is rising. Start doing your research. I know a lot of you are trying to ignore this fact and just send your kiddies to parks , churches and family celebrations at Halloween and that’s good for the kids…but we mustn’t just hide from this evil…

Remember the old adage…from Edmund Burke “All the is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

Beloveds…what can we do to make a positive change during the month of October? I have one suggestion for starters. Pray more during this month…and all month. Pray and fast one meal a day, or if you can’t do that. Fast from anger on the freeways, fast from cussing, fast from being impatient, clean more as a fast, fast by giving to others, tv or sweets on several days a week…or fast one day a week…just water with prayer of course…for a more Godly, less horrifying time of the year…and for heaven’s sake…please speak up and not in a judgmental way…for the little ones who come to your door for candy have no idea what is happening…just be kind to them if you do open the door to them…and bless them.

Personally your witness at Halloween is the most powerful time of year to do so…be out there as a light…dress up as an angel..when they come…dress up like a saint and talk about them at the door explaining about the real Halloween…the real reason for the season, but without insulting or pointing fingers. Be a light for Christ.

Happy All Hallows Eve to you all.

Happy All Saints eve to you for you are Saints on the Way to God!

love,

MamaMia

 

 

Scott Harrison Ceo and founder of charity:water- His Amazing story!

http://www.charitywater.org/about/scotts_story.php

Please check out Scott Harrison’s incredible journey in the founding of charity:water!

I have watched him from his early beginnings of working with my husband’s cousin the nurse as she worked with him on his first mission to Africa as a photo-journalist for them to do his first real charity work. From this early beginning of helping the poor and seeing their harsh destitution…he thought what do they primarily need the most…what could I do to help. Then he thought of founding an organization, using his photography to advertise, for drilling for water wells.

Check out his amazing testimony!

Jump on board and help…if anything…pray for his work, his staff and the good he can bring to the world.

Love,

MamaMia

Greetings …Fall is here…and i love it. Its my favorite time of year.

Yes i love love mother nature going into sleep mode. I can’t seem to get enough of it. This world is going so fast lately. Is it me or do you feel it too? A swirling speed of things presenting themselves to us saying: “Fix this now Or visit this person they need help…or take care of this bill…or car trouble or yada yada..” Stop the world i want to get off…i think i should go into hibernation mode too…b I am just doing too much and am starting to get overwhelmed…but in if one lives in California..which i do. one feels like they are indefatigueable….cause the weather makes it possible for you to overdo and overbook and soon you think you are a superperson and you can keep up with the chaos…trouble is …dear ones…you can’t …Its time to slow down. Right? Do you feel your body setting boundaries…listen to it…be sensible…be like the autumn leaves and gently let go of all those things that you think needs to get down…shorten your “short” list…only do what is vitally necessary now…and take one day at a time…one project at a time. And remember…Love is what is most important…do all things in love and for love’s purposes cause love is the answer! Till next time, Love, MamaMia

The Presence of Demons- Are they Real?

It seems as I read through the gospels of Jesus Christ.  I have observed that half the time Jesus is delivering people from demons.   Furthermore, why is it we rarely hear about it being preached in sermons or homilies? Why not? It’s all of who Jesus is. It’s what he does. Matter of fact, we are supposed to be casting out demons too. Jesus told us to do it. Mark 16:17:  And these signs shall follow those that have believed in my name they shall cast out demons…”

Also to name a few…other passages: Luke 10:18: ” Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” And again in  2nd. Cor. 10:5:

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalted itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” We are to declare these things…pray them into existence…cause God gave us the power of prayer.”

In 2nd Cor. 10:4:  “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.”

See again…we cannot fight in our own worldly knowledge- how to fight these worldly arguments, demonic activity and powers of any kind…unless our God gives us supernatural power to do it. Our hearts must be pure in intention of why we even care to do it…cause it is the heart of God for his people to be able to live in peace…For “the devil has come to steal , kill and destroy“…this is it’s one and only purpose..and he hates Christ and all of his children. We can do all things in His name and without Him we can do nothing to protect ourselves. It’s His grace alone that accomplishes this; but, we are to stay in that humble attitude and if we do we can utilize his gifts -all of them.

 

When we look at Ephesians chapter six it goes into detail of putting on spiritual armor for the warfare encounter with the devil. What is this all about? You may ask the reason that it is new to you and maybe that you don’t care. Perhaps,  you are scared to talk about it. Or – 1. …no one is preaching it to you…2. You are not reading your bible and have no idea what aim talking about.  3. You are not troubled by evil spirits… cause you are not troubling them.

 

It’s like people say…I don’t want to trouble trouble. That’s not what we should be saying as soldiers for Christ. But the ” trouble”  is… you’re not truly serving God if you are not experiencing some  sort of spiritual attacks. This is a truism for the gospel. See about the early Christian’s lives. We don’t want it and try to avoid it. But, the truth is…for all good and righteous saints of God living now: They would all be experiencing spiritual warfare. It comes with the job!

 

Well the next question is…how does one know when one is experiencing  the demonic? Oh, dear ones, you will know.

Are you having trouble at work? Trouble at home? Trouble in relationships? That sounds normal in each category. Not likely will you be suffering in all areas. For God does not give us more than we can bear. But that works if you are his child. Just being born in this world does not make you in right relationship with God. And if you are not walking in communion with God you are open to more than your fair share of “its” arrows at you!

But, if you are suffering in every category of your life…something is wrong and you are probably not only suffering the evil one’s hits but you have no back up help. You are out there alone. If you are not walking in prayer, worship and obedience…and say you are a Christian…you are in the most dangerous of places…as it relates to being at peace and conquering these demons. For those I ask…being your own God isn’t fun is it?   Are you continually being harassed or yelled at for no apparent reason? Are you, most of the time feeling like you are in the wrong place at the wrong time? Do you have nightmares often? Your children having them too? Do you feel an unusual smell or coldness sometime…even noises and movement where there shouldn’t be? I could go on and on. I am exhausted just asking the question. I feel for you …I really do. The bible says a lukewarm Christian suffers more than  either polar opposite. And God doesn’t want you to suffer for that reason.

Beloved, one doesn’t have to read the entire bible to know the face of evil. Well if you are experiencing some of these trials or persecutions, then there is a demonic root somewhere that is causing it.  In most general cases,  it is usually unforgiveness, fear and sin that opens the door an -un-confessed sin/sins, especially.  And sad to say…we usually are the ones that inadvertently invite the trouble into our lives. Job said, …”that which I feared came upon me.” And even in the Lord’s prayer…the most perfect prayer of Jesus…says…”forgive us our sins as we forgive others…” that sums up what we must do. Most nominal Christians are unaware of the demonic. They are too busy serving themselves and their own agenda to even notice the connection of their actions to bringing trouble into their lives…least ways demonic activity.

There are many ways that these spirits may either oppress or enter into us. For example it may happen when someone is wounded by being abandoned as a child,  shamed by parents  or the community, verbally  raged upon, ignored, beat or thoroughly neglected etc.  There is not just a psychological problem going on in that child as they grow up into adulthood; but, these early problems unless addressed become a feeding ground for  demons  to root into those wounded places in those victimis lives. It’s as if the wound of each person becomes an entrance for a demon. Some Godly teachers call them gates…or portals by which they enter. Only the Jesus’ precious blood coverning and a cooperative effort from the Christian can expose, uncover and heal this wound. Plus, close up that entry way forever…through fasting and prayer with others.

A familiar spirit is that common connection from the past to the future…a seeming weakness like that of alcoholism that can’t shake itself off the family for many generations. That’s because there is an original demonic root that started somewhere.  But, take heart, beloved…through faith and your will joined with His…all things are possible for your or your loved one’s deliverance. We must through continued  daily prayer, break that generational bondage. Its like saying demon…the buck stops here…you cannot cross the line…in Jesus Name be gone from me and my children and my children’s children’s children!

Getting prayed with is not  a one time thing. There are many things to help you be delivered from demons and stay delivered. Filling your mind up with The Word of God…the bible… fasting at least  one day a week for spiritual strength,  or one meal a day…for weeks…or fast for several days on just water…is more appropriate when praying over a more serious deliverance.

To break spirits off of yourself…fasting is imperative with the aid of memorization of  bible verses. One can  place them on the wall to meditate on. You can be listening to worship music and serving the poor too. It most cases it takes a group effort. But these must be seasoned veterans of spiritual warfare.

Some people think that going to church a few times or a Christian camp can save you your whole life and that is their extent of a relationship with Christ. I don’t believe that.  For just getting baptized is not going to help you through your whole life from all these sufferings.  “Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord God delivers them out of them all. The key word here is righteous. Or, in another case,  saying the sinner’s prayer once is supposed to me…you can now go about your own way and ignore serving or obeying God.  Folks, tt’s a journey and it starts one day at a time…that’s why , again the Lord’s prayer says…give us this day our daily bread…see how the prayer should be prayed daily…its as if you are born over and over every day…leaning and trusting in God for everything!

 

Salvation is not an easy thing. See how he speaks of the rich in this life…just not about money but people who get their way all the time…It’s so hard for them to get to heaven Jesus said, its as hard as “a camel going through the eye of a needle!” Woah…that’s scary…right?  See what St. Paul says to Jesus’ followers back in the day: “Work out your salvation in fear and trembling!” Beloveds…we have work to do…and it’s a daily work.

Cases in point: Let’s say there’s a woman who keeps having relationships where the men beat her. She doesn’t have the gift of spiritual discernment of spirits obviously. If she did, she would leave immediately upon meeting him because she would see a red flag and know this man has demon oppression.  Another story is where the husband is committing porno right in their home. Things are going from bad to worse…and the mother doesn’t know why? These demons pass from the magazines and internet through the eye portal into the soulish realm and eventually rot out the heart… How through the power over the whole earth…electricity…that energy source which we borrow from God to light our homes…etc. We are electrical too…God is electrical…God’s spirit is electrical…He is all energy…its that energy that can move around like the wind…bad and good energy…Satan is an evil energy…God is a good energy…and If God isn’t invited in, cause he is a gentleman and won’t force himself..It will leave if we are the ones that invited it in. It has to be us doing the warfare and repentance…someone can pray with you…but you started the problem and you have to fix it.  And only if we tell it to go will it go. And only the sinner can cast it out. Now , I believe when the person is so captivated by demons…God understands that others must help the person get free…so in that case I have read Jesus doing that. As in the case of oppression…if the man is coherent enough to lead the prayer then the wife can stand in agreement and pray with the him to resist and reject it. Also there must be a confession of the man’s sin too..a true repentance…otherwise it will keep coming back to tempt him another time.

I have read about Porno having various degrees of manifestation on a person. At first, it is sinning through temptation, then when it becomes habitual it becomes an obsession…then if one goes deeper into it and more often,  greater sins  usually accompany it…then the man becomes super oppressed by a demon.  He is taking upon himself multiple soul ties through the viewing and the lusting after these women or men.   The wife will continually feel betrayed and rightly so…women tend to have great intuition by nature.

Porno brings everything down. Its incidious. Perverted. It winds itself , like the tentacles of an octobpus, around everything around it. It hides behind lies. The more hidden it is…the more tantalizing it becomes. So it must be exposed and confessed before it gets a stronghold on one’s life.

Once when I went to a person’s house that was doing it…I walked into the house and felt its presence immediately…I asked the person where are you…I am in the bedroom on the bed and can’t move…why…I asked …have you been doing porno? Yes. He said. As I turned the corner I felt the icy cold, walking up the hall. I turned the corner and saw three dark shadows to the left of the bed. I asked the man what are they? He said…can you see them too? I said yes…How many do you see, I asked. He said three. So we both saw them. They didn’t move they just remained still and facing him. I immediately called them sentinels…I never even heard of the word before. But God gave me the thought. I kept praying them away with all my knowledge and heart of faith. But they wouldn’t leave. I said…You brought them in by sin, now you have to make them go by confession, repentance and committed me to God not to do it again. He immediately did as I mentioned and they left. Notice I couldn’t do it alone..He had to lead the prayer and prove to God he was sincere then our dual prayer in faith would work. When we finished praying…they dissolved into a smell of sulfur. They came from hell and went back to hell. This really happened. That was the first time I ever saw that before.

Pornography can ruin whole families, jobs and health if not treated. These demons gather in strength and need more hosts to torture so they start to move around not just inside the man’s head and heart but begin to try to attach themselves to the wife and children. Their male friends will start getting influenced by it too. It will cause nightmares on the children and disturbances in the home, like arguments and  continual division. Spirits like this are competitive for the host’s attention and they are fiercely jealous of their land development and want to hold their ground… because it’s better than hell. They will pursue whoever stands in their way…especially if the wife is a baby Christian and she doesn’t know how to fight the fight of travailing prayer. This woman needs help quick…and a Christian support group is the best.

Then there is that earmark of  same type of persecution that keeps happening to you when you serve God…and then  it comes and hits you either right before, during and right after you serve God in some capacity and then you seem to experience a fallout…a retaliation for doing it…that too is demonic.  Addictions of family members have their originate mainly in the flesh…but sometime Satan attaches himself and gets involved with the persons illness and progression of illness. But the attachment always seems to start with two main things: A feeling of being wounded/hurt , becoming daily more and more unforgiving and a sense of being alone in your sorrow. Beware of your thoughts leading you down a dark road…change directions immediately…sing, praise, worship read the bible…hang out with your Christian friends..but don’t stay alone…besides..Remember:  You are not alone beloved…YOU ARE NOT ALONE…YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY A GREAT CLOUD OF WITNESSES CHEERING YOU ON FROM THE RAMPARTS OF HEAVEN…SAYS ST. PAUL. AND BOY HE WENT THROUGH IT ALL TO PREACH THE GOSPEL, SO HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT.

But then there is the fourth thing…you may not have the gift of discernment…the charism of the holy spirit that fell on Pentecost…that continually falls on every one who accepts the baptism of the holy spirit…! You know being born again…read about Nicodemus encounter with Jesus. (John3:3).

What’s that? There you go again…not having knowledge of those things that are most important for your salvation. It’s one thing to accept Christ…but it’s another to accept him every single day into your life, family, home, job and goals in life. If you do that then you are walking, talking and praying in the Holy Spirit with your full armor on.The Lord has been increasingly been showing me how demons operate.

Since this is a deep subject I want to just focus on the dynamics of family life.and how the devil might be involving itself with that….Yes, Lets just call it “it.”

Recently the Lord has been increasingly showing me how demons operate. Case in point- This morning God gave me a dream where I was an observer in a dream sequence. Sometimes I am inside a body of someone in my dream and other times…I am just observing.  It’s the same thing happening most of the time in my dreams…I am an agent of good…like an angel trying to work things out for good…intercede…and change the outcome of evil to good.  I never know if I am successful but I keep doing it…in the morning after these dreams I wake up peaceful knowing I did my best…Sounds silly right? Am I appearing phenomenally eccentric to you ? Well, I believe in prayer…what can I tell you.  Jesus said to his disciples…”greater things will you do in my name!” Wow that’s enough for me.

Well, to continue on with the dream I had…I had the ability in the dream to enter somewhat into the thoughts of each person in the dream.

Two women where in the bathroom of a building of some kind of gathering…it appeared that they were working on crafts of some sort. One woman (person #1) took one of the serrated knives from the table into the bathroom with her…she stood behind a woman (person #2) fixing her hair and makeup while she was looking in the mirror. Just then, I entered, I couldn’t tell if they could see me…or not. #2 was in her own world oblivious to #1 behind her. #2 was chatting on and on about everything and #1 was getting angrier and angrier…and saying something like “such a funny smile” over and over. It seemed to put her into a trance…I looked into her eyes, but she couldn’t see me now…and I saw pure evil desires of murder for #2. I began to plan some way to avert this danger…first I thought I would pretend to slip ad fall and distract #1. Then I thought I would just snatch the knife and say I needed it. Then finally I thought I should just get help…I was going back and forth in mind of what to do.when I just woke up. I began to pray and ask God what was that dream about…how am I supposed to pray…I reached for a bible and opened directly to Mark 1:32-34. Let’s read it. “That evening, at sundown, they brought to him all who were sick or possessed with demons.33 and the whole city was gathered together about the door. 34 And he healed many who were sick with various diseases. And cast out many demons; and he would not permit the demons to speak, because they knew him.”

Do you know what “knowing” in this sentence means beloved? It means the demons recognized that he was the Holy One of God, the messiah, the son of God…

Does it know that you are of God? Does he think you represent God’s hands and feet and bodily temple on earth? Are you a threat to its plans? Does it know you belong to God and serve him daily in prayer?

Well if you are suffering demonic attack …then it knows you… it knows much about you and how to hurt you in ways that people can’t. However he needs people to do it. And it uses people all the time to hurt other people…especially those in our own family.

Well, in this dream God was showing me that my natural way human way of solving things in this case are not good enough…we are dealing with a person with a demon that troubles them with a murderous angry avenging spirit. These spirits start in a person’s mind. If they don’t know Christ, nor the bible and haven’t been taught about discerning good and evil spirits then they can be oppressed easily and be used to hurt others with their words and sometimes …if the demon has been there a long time…even in violent actions.

God was showing me the more excellent and only way to deal with spirits like this.

I don’t want these dreams…nor to get involved with such heavy thoughts but this has been going on for a long time in my life…this noticing of the supernatural as it relates to being a “real” Christian.

Once before my mom died…she came to me late at night and woke me up and was crying. She said she had a horrifying vision of the future.  She said she saw the earth open up and all these evil sprits were being released into the world…by the millions, it seemed to her.

Spirits need a host to do damage…and the more ignorant, angry, unforgiving, bitter and depressed people are the more they can attach themselves. And that’s what we see today…horror on every newspaper page. Some say it’s always been that way…we just have more media to report it. No I don’t agree…God is allowing it to be reported.so we wont be in the dark…so Christian believers can pray about it…and help in the Lord’s work on earth to prevent it.  Just as God inspires and all good gifts come from Him Satan sends his minions to destroy God’s good work on the earth and the most powerful force on this earth is not our world leaders and their governments…but the common everyday variety family.

A father or a mother or both raising kids to love and serve God. That is the greatest lighthouse of hope in the world and a foundation of good for every community of people all over the globe…If he can attack and break their unity he will start there…cause if he disintegrates that there will be no hope…for man is not meant to live alone in a vacuum. And when spouses or when girlfriends or boyfriends break your heart you always have your parents…or siblings…but if that is destroyed.then he has us. Unless we are all mystic monks in a cave somewhere…totally dedicated to Christ…but you know everyone needs someone in this world!

Lately I have been yelled at, and suddenly turned on for no reason. It could be from a student at college…someone in the grocery store or even through a trusted friend…each time people say…why did I say that to you.what was that about? I love you. I am puzzled, they say. Or I don’t know why I have treated you that way…forgive me…That’s all I have been doing lately is having to forgive tons of people…this my friends is obvious demonic activity. Why? Possibly because my work for God is proving results and the enemy is mad and using people to hurt me. Possibly for what I will do in the future.sometimes it IS DARKEST BEFORE A DAWN EXPERIENCE. A darkness that is trying to break me before some grand opportunity to glorify God.  Either way there is a great good reason for my suffering. So I must carry my cross and praise him no matter what, Bless my sudden enemy, forgive and pray for them.

Then this morning God showed me further…in the dream was a better way to deal with that demon. Prayer. Even in an instant you can pray when you are in danger or even feeling threatened or under an evil word attack! Do as Jesus…yes like Jesus! Silence the demons…tell them to be quiet…and furthermore tell them to leave! Wow…can we do that?  Yes…if you read scripture you would know how to do it…also. But, a quick crash course is knowing  some key scriptures…right away…and trusting in the Lord of the scriptures…not in yourself! When you pray:  Be humble as a child and bold as a lioness protecting her cubs.

Jesus is the word made flesh…So he is the Word of God…the sword of the Spirit…he also is our armor…Ephesians chapter 6:11…put it on beloved! PUT IT ON NOW…cause you are now a spiritual prayer warrior…you are enlisted in God’s army.you need to use your tools…the word of God…is your first thing…a sword of great power and truth…

Jesus used this sword…the Torah…the Hebrew Scriptures…now that Jesus has ascended and gave us His Holy Spirit, we can use the same scriptures he did…and his very words too to resist the “it.” He was in the dessert for forty days while he fasted before he started his ministry. Mark  says he was healing diseases and casting out demons…it’s all through the gospels but we don’t hear it cause the word devil even makes us nervous…what “ wusses” we are at times.

God admires and rewards people of faith and spiritual courage…he is not interested in our agendas, careers or fame if He is not in it! They are all selfish agendas. It will all burn in the end. One can’t take it with them. For where your treasure is so will your heart be…Where is your treasure dear ones?

Man Up, Guys! Women up girls! Let “ it” know where you stand…who you are…use your sword…and tell him to get out, stop, let go, be bound…Just tell him to Go in Jesus Name.

God gave us the power to do so…Jesus said…we have been given this right as believers…Mark said it earlier: “These are the signs that follow believers” …are you a believer… that means it already happened once…and now it has to happen in our time and already is…just listen to the thousands of testimonies on pulpits, papers, books and internet…its real dear ones…its real…you can do it!  This is your sign…you shall CAST OUT DEMONS…YEAH YOU! Ha-ha….Don’t take this unnecessary suffering from the “it” in your life…go after it…don’t run face it and cast it out under Jesus feet…and he will take dominion over “it!”

How? Not by your power, cause we have none we are his little children, his sheep…sinners, and very dumb and unaware of the evil around us at times…but, still His.

BELOVEDS, REMEMBER THIS ONE THING…JESUS’ NAME…HIS NAME IS ABOVE ALL NAMES…AT HIS NAME EVERY KNEE BOWS.SAYS SCRIPTURE…BUT ITS NOT THESE LETTERS THAT’S SO SPECIAL.ITS ALL THE NAME REPRESENTS.ALL ASPECTS AND MANIFESTATIONS OF WHO HE IS AND ALL THAT HE SAID AND HAS DONE.SO WHEN YOU SAY JESUS…PAUSE AND SAY IT WITH ALL THIS IN YOUR MIND AND WITH GREAT REVERANCE TOO.

When a king sends out a degree in the older times…he would press his signet ring representing his authority and (name) into a piece of wax sealing the document. We always address the Father in prayer using God’s son’s name as a signet after the prayer…saying Lord God I am praying in the name of all that is holy, righteous, powerful and worthy…all of your amazing grace into one name..I believe it so I know you are pleased with this your son’s name…and it will wing this prayer directly to your throne and heart…and you will do what is best…but you will hear our prayers cause Jesus said you would if we pray in His Name to you.  Call on the name of the Lord Jesus and you will be saved.

Daniel a holy prophet of God who even prophecies of the end times in the bible. Was praying three times a day…and looking for an answer to prayer and it didn’t come for three weeks…he, Daniel, said…he was visited by the angel Gabriel who said…to him…”Daniel you are loved by God…cause from the first time he heard your prayer…God was moved to act on it…but the” prince of this region” prevented me from getting to you with the answer..So God got St. Michael the archangel had to intercede and do war against this “stronghold.” Boy if I only had to wait three weeks for an answer…some of my prayers are yet to be answered…so there is warfare there too, But Daniel received the aid he sought. Wow.

So what happened when your family, your boss, your best friend turns on you suddenly. Once you let it go…but if there is persistence attack…then its demonic…then you need to pull out your big gun…THE BIBLE. You need to confess your own sins.and humble yourself first before your maker. Then you need to seek someone else to pray with…for Whenever two or more are gathered in your name there the Father is in your midst and if we don’t’ we have our prayer answered.

Fasting is also a great weapon for spiritual warfare too. For Jesus’ disciples said…master we can’t cast out this demon….he said for this particular case one needs to fast first.

Remember the scripture I gave you in the beginning dear ones? Mark 1:32-34…We must imitate Christ and tell those demons…BE QUIET… in Jesus Name. So when someone starts to lash out on you…don’t just stand there and take it…under your breath…tell “it” to be quiet and leaven now! And pray it in Jesus’ holy name. We don’t always need to speak out loud. I prayed over someone without speaking and she was delivered of a demon. Shouting isn’t always necessary either…Jesus spoke in a loud voice to resurrect Lazarus…and he knows His own reasons…but all we need to do is firmly , without doubt, believe when we pray. Besides, Jesus name seems to shout gloriously for us anyway.

We must constantly stay in that humble place and submit to God first before we run off and cast out demons…or even to resist “it.” And don’t go looking for them either…its enough to just deal with all the problems in your own life… unless one is involved in a prayer group that prays over people in a group.and that is the safest and humblest way. Sometimes I have done it alone…but one must definitely be fasting…and only for deliverance…never with an exorcism… If someone disagrees with that please tell me…because I haven’t read it. Most are performed with a group of people and sometimes over a period of time.

I have found I must bless every place I and every person we are with before engaging in anything. family parties, where having lunch with someone, going shopping or even interacting with family members for  by doing thus we can avoid any unnecessary spiritual conflict.

Start in the morning beloveds. Before you get out of bed pray first- pulling down those strongholds in and around and anything that touches your life; so you can have peace at work, school and home. Lastly pray for the peace in all families everywhere especially in the body of Christ, his church.

Love,

mamamialove

What is true Beauty by MamaMiaLove

Dear Ones,

How is your beauty quotient? I mean what do you base beauty on…inner or outer visuals and thoughts? Do you contemplate beauty? Do you seek after it? In what form? Forms?

I went to a Andrea Bocelli concert recently…it was titled Passione! Passion for what I first asked myself. I am done with passion for one person or even my children…I seem to get myself into trouble worrying, praying and thinking about them all the time. I thought….I want passion in general. I want to be passionate for life! Loving everyone not just my kids. I have room in my heart for the love of many children and and adults too.j

We all need love and are so stingy with it at times.

When I felt the music going into my soul and mind…it released childhood memories…of dancing to Nutcracker Suite by Tchiakowski waltz of the flowers precisely…how I used to dance to the music with wild abandon, when I was alone in a room. The music was so stunning…so poignant to where my life is right now…a yearning to travel…to get in touch with my roots…to sing to dance…but I thought how can I capture beauty doing something that I have no money , time or energy to obtain…but no…it went into my soul like osmosis….I trembled with delight…looking at various times at my grandson of 15 whom I enjoy being with…I noticed that he a mere youth, loved these classical opera arias even more than the pop singers that sang with Bocelli…we both were blown away.

I walked away with memories rushing into my mind as a child getting up early in the morning and hearing my Italian American dad play Verdi and Puccini on the turntable. Hours before I left to school.

He seemed to need it to carry on with the demands of the day as a painting contractor…sometimes driving 50 minutes to do what he had to.

Beauty…started to take root…I actually looked into the mirror when I got home…it was as if I was healed of something dark that robbed me of remembering beauty from my childhood..and a lot of the beauty of my adulthood too.

The day after the concert…I continued to see beauty through listeing to the Italian classic operas…cause that’s what I was familiar with.

as I did…I wept even more…forgave my Dad..cause I finally understood him even more…He wanted to live back east by his mom and dad who came from Italy. He wanted me to learn this music…and fuse it into my soul by playing them over and over…

I was touched forever . I took dancing…art  when I was 18-22. Later in life I went back to sing at the college.

it always was healing and restorative for me…so beautiful.

Oh let beauty be your aim today. It will lift you from your doldrums…especially the classical..find favorites on the internet…and pla them when you are blue…and it will do the trick.

 

Beauty dear ones…not romance…specifically…but beauty…its different. Romance fits in there…at a point but not in beautys purest form.

I put a poem on the website of beauty too.

Go beauty catching dear ones…its like trying to catch a butterfly…you can’t keep it..just look at it long enough and it will change you.

Hear a bird singing long enough and you will want to sing too.

We have to be careful not to stay away from it too long otherwise we become empty. Its like that scripture in the bible…”without a vision the people perish” Without beauty we become darker, sadder and more hopeless. Surround yourself with beauty today…beautiful writing, song and gardens!

Be touched by music…or  a puppy, person or friend…its all beauty…have fun and drink of it often…to balance your fears, to balance your doubts and your weightiness of your own sins and the offenses of others…

Beauty brings peace and reconciliation …it brings hope and a lifting up of ones souls!

love,

Mama

 

Beauty

Mama in the park 2005

Mama in the park 2005

Beauty
True beauty in the mind… beauty in the soul and beauty in the body
can only come from you God!
My soul leaps for joy, my heart is changed and my mind is raised to loftier thoughts when I am near beauty, hear beauty or see beauty. Because of it, I become a better person!
Grant me the grace of magnifying your beauty on this earth through my thoughts, words and actions, Amen

Part 3: My Life in the late 60’s and 70’s and The Spritual Charasmatic Movement

Ok, I hope you read one and two. As you notice my grammar isn’t very good. But gosh I need to get this out of me and on paper for someone to read it.  I am sure my kids even haven’t heard all these stories before out of my mouth… but if they did, would they, at the time believed…now that they and I are older…maybe now they and you will. The experience hasn’t changed. I still tell it the same way perhaps with a little less details. Alls I know is that it’s time to post them for posterity sake.  After all, being heard is one thing, being believed is another.

 

Well, the time period its post dental school circa 1972, with my first husband the now dentist. We moved back to a place in Southern California…Hawthorne was our first apartment in 1972.

 

I started to want to stir up my faith again…I had no fellowship group, no born again Christian friends, no church that I felt I belonged. Just a mother that was off the deep end for Christ. And as the years went on …I became glad for that…cause life was extremely hard on that precious soul…Jesus literally “saved” her…its a good word actually.

 

I am now 22 and looking for a church. I wandered into a Catholic Church nearby, I won’t say the name, I want to keep story anonymous. It was a standard Catholic church. Dark, stained glass windows …nobody talking to you before or after daily mass. Just the way most Catholics liked it…meditative…personal…private…a sacred you and God thingy.

 

But that isn’t what I wanted…since that red headed Baptist lady prayed for me and I converted in one night…yes in one night. Did I tell you that story? Ok…maybe I forgot to include the fact that while I was waiting to be flown back to Chicago in 1969 to help my first husband through dental school..some lady at the preschool I worked at… prayed for me. No one ever prayed for me like that ever up until that time. So , I guess I should tell you what happened.

 

One night after closing of the preschool…she came up to me and said… I am leaving cause they(the principal) said I can’t teach about Jesus in this school. I knew that…I told her…its a secular school …Honey…why don’t you teach in a Christian school? But they don’t need Jesus like these kids do, she replied. That may be true…oh…I am sorry La Vern…that was her name…I got to say that much.

Oh, did I also mention that she changed my life…that night.Or should I say, God did, through her obedience.

The very next day…I kid you not…I was completely dressed different and went out to the same bar…”The brothers Two” it was called in Torrance/Redondo area. It now should be called the Apostles John and Peter…cause I marched in there duty bound…and positive that no one in California knew about Jesus and I would start in my favorite bar to tell of the wonderful experience I had.

I got beer thrown on me and was jostled out by my friend the bouncer…I forgot his name. But he liked me before…they all liked me…even the bartender said…Lauren I like you …what happened…you have completely changed!

Wow…I didn’t take drugs..gang…I just got prayed over (in tongues) accepted Jesus as Savior and took and read a few chapters of the bible…specifically Romans, Corinthians…and knelt and prayed on my own for Jesus to take me and change my life…and I guess…THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED…HE TOOK ME AT MY WORD…CAUSE I TOOK HIM AT HIS WORD!

 

P.S. Guess where I am temporarily living for now…with my daughter in La Verne California…. LA VERNE…THE SAME NAME AS THE LADY THAT INTRODUCED ME TO JESUS…PERSONALLY IS THAT A COOINCIDENCE OR WHAT. Incidentally, she chose the town to live in I didn’t…and she doesn’t even recall me telling her this story ever or the Lady’s name.

That’s all for now..till  next time in Part 4…

 

love,

Mama

 

 

Part 2: My life in the late 60’s and 70’s and the Spiritual Charasmatic Movement

Ok…where was I ?

Ok…just got home safe and sound after the mad chase through the hills of Palos Verdes in

1967. I was seven months pregnant…I am ok and so is the baby.

However looking back ..now that i know what i know…and being a child development

major  and a retired massage therapist to boot..i realize..that that spirit of fear that gripped

me that night wasn't good for my child nor me. New information is one thing…but my kid

growing in me..didn't have that..he just felt my physical and spiritual response. These things

that happen to us need a deep healing.

On to what happened next…the birth on March 3. mmm…3 3…then the room had a three in it…i

remember that…numbers mean stuff..right? I think so…and the bill was three hundred and

thirty three dollars. Exactly what i had in my  bank give or take some coins.

Wow. what does that mean?i thought.

 Well, I almost died in the delivery…cause i couldn't seem to stay awake…until a SergeantGeneral labor room nurse..jumped up on bed i was in…slapped me awake

and said..unless you do this ..you will both die…i was awake now..

She leaned into my face and said…softely …i don't know what is going on but you don't want this

baby do you..i said…i am scared…she said..i am going to give you a crash course on LaMaze.

My little boy was 9 lbs 5 oz and beautiful…but i couldn't tell cause I was still drugged up and

depressed cause i still didn't have a dad for him. While they bottle fed my baby i lay in the bed

dreaming of who would marry me now? I thought of some guy that liked me, but I had to find

him. AT that time..guys were marrying girls for lesser reasons..cause the draft was full on

if you weren't in full time college.

 I found the guy that liked me and we got serious fast. We ran off and got married in Vegas.

He was from a nice Catholic family. They didn't like me much cause needless to say i was

an unwed mother. What's the use in telling them i was a good Catholic girl that had a miraculous

pregnancy! Well i thought so.

 After Michael got older…the guy I was dating suddenly got cold feet…he

said..i think we should date other people…what an idiot i was..i was so desperate not

to loose him….that i ignored the red flag that he was not loyal to me..and was folding under

his parents and friends pressure…I said..if you date someone else..i won't see

you anymore…So he said…ok…i won't date anyone else..Gosh…that was wrong…God

was trying to intervene…and you'll know why later.

 

Now..remember i was dating  a service guy? Remember he gave me a ring to hold me

while he was gone for two…years…I really thought he would not last  in Vietnam…

so many were getting killed…I also was desperate for a father for my baby…i was worried

about my sick father and wierdly spiritual mother. I was alone in the world and there

were no guarantees with the service boy.

Well that 20 year old service boy came back mid my dating this new guy…and one

night he suddenly appeared at my door…pleading to just give him one date…to prove his love

for me. he said..i don't care if you got pregnant…i still love you and i will raise him as my own.

 

My newest fiance…called right at that moment…Now why do things happen like this…this is a

life and death situation…so imperative that i make the right decision…here is this sweet

soldier pleading for a chance and Joe who was doubtful of our relationship…

I should have asked for advice..right? But noooooooooo…i did nothing of the sort. Instead i

told the soldier at the door…You would never love this child. You would resent him. And you

would think he would come between us. I can't do it to him. Besides there are not feelings

left…just hope now..and I am sure this soon to be doctor…would help us more. Terry you may

die..and if i let go of this man…then i will have no one…Do you see how fatalistic and terrified

of life I was…guys? Do you see how negative i thinking i was? Where was my faith..the faith

i had that kept me going and strong as when i was a teen?

 

So the soldier boy…left my porch..and i was heartbroken…and sooooo confused…Did i do

the right thing? Make the right choice? How does one know, people..how?

In the meantime…my dad got worse..and worse…one night we all went to see dad before

exploratory surgery…the doctor said…i have made a terrible mistake..your dad didn't get

proper exrays…for we finally found the problem. His previous gall bladder surgery…caused

an adhesion…which is an overgrowth of scar tissue..it invaded a nearby intestion..and closed

it off almost entirely! What we gasped…he has been in serious pain…and all i have been giving

him was Tums. What???? We were both angry and horrified..we wanted to scream at him…but

instead we ran to Dads room…and looked at his frail body..which lost so much weight cause

he couldn't eat nothing but liquids…

My Dad was hopeful although so white..with no color..he said..i can eat again..Lauren..i can

You can cook for me..would you cook for me honey? What do you want Dad…he said..applesauce

pancakes..and lasagna..we laughed..a little..that was the last time i saw him…it was

bitter sweet cause he also recalled how for years..we weren't close…he sounded

so unhappy…i thought Dad..don't talk like that before you go into surgery…stay happy and

positive.. it was if some deep sadness gripped him before he died…

My mom and him were never close and his addictions separated us..but at that moment i loved

my dad deeply and wanted to reconcile…I never got the chance…cause he died right after

surgery.

We were all scattered like lost sheep in the hospital corridors…weeping and wailing. I kept

calling for …"Daddy Daddy my Daddy's dead"

It was so odd no one consoled me. The doctor just sedated me cause i was hysterical.

 

Not only did i not have a chance to have a relationship with my dad..but his last actions

to me were sour. Only the talk of cooking for him is what i remember …and it alone was

sweet. I hope finally he sees me as a loving daughter.

 

Well, its fall of 69…all his friends were partying up good and all of them were in college…

free love was floating around…drugs…but my fiance and I were in a bubble of our own

making…away from the chaos..of the war, rioting, civil liberty marches…my Dad is dead

mom is kinda depressed cause now she has a house which she can't afford anymore

and I was ready to loose the only change for a marriage and a father ot my

illigitimate child. The blood father was somewhere in Vietname…i heard…and had no plans

of visiting us…or helping finanacially causea you remember

he thought…this couldn't be my child…i hardly had anything to do with her…he told my sister..

I talked with His sister and she said…He thinks that you would tell your child that

he died in Vietnam..and that's the story he remembered. but even years later when i went to

see his family…they said..better stay away from him…he is still messed up from the war…

So, I guess  they wouldn't even tell him I visited.

At least that's what i think they did. When my boy was finally an adult he never pursued 

looking for His Dad … cause he thought why feel rejected again…Even recently i thought

honey look for your dad…it might be a good thing…He still said..no.

 

Getting back to the story… pre-med school was over and my fiance made a choice to be

a dentist. So since his parents didn't approve , and the draft board was breathing down

his heels…since he would leave and i might not see him again…between his fear of the draft ..

.his parents…and not picking the right school in time to accept him…we made the leap to

run off and get married. Oh..haste makes waste…it was disasterous…

 

As the war raged on, as his parents fumed at what they thought was our living together…as free

love was taking its toll around town in vineral disease and broken hearts…as more and more

guys were being drafted and slowly filtered over to be killed by the Viet Cong…riots and

marches..and picketing floundered on. What a mess our streets were..you couldn't turn on the

news without seeing poor hippie being hit on the head..or some civil rights marcher being

washed down with a power hose. What a terrible world…first JFK.. then Bobby the president's

senator brother…then Martin Luther King Jr. then my dad in 67…what the (blank) is going on?

Is Armageddien next?

 

Readers…you have to believe me…it was pure madness back then…and i believe that is why

people smoked so much dope…it all seemed so hopeless…its like what is happening now

there is a strong similarity…except for one GLARING DIFFERENCE..GENERALLY SPEAKING

PEOPLE IN THE STATES..WERE SWEETER, KINDER , MORE UNDERSTANDING  AND

MORE SPIRITUAL TODAY…THE WORLD IS FAR MORE , GENERALLY SPEAKING …MORE

UNKIND, LESS FORGIVING, LESS UNDERSTANDING, LESS LOVING AND LESS

SPIRITUAL. I BELIEVE THE LINES ARE DRAWN…LIKE IN TOLKIEN'S" LORD OF THE RINGS"

NOVELS. THE DARKNESS IS INCREASING….

THE GOOD AND THE LIGHT FILLED ONES ON EARTH ARE GATHERING TOGETHER JUST

AS THE EVIL AND THE DARK ARE TOO.

So visitors to my blog…perhaps…that man chasing me in the car…that fateful night was

not wearing a mask at all…and it wasn't a man but a fallen angel…or demon…or both. If

anything…he was a prophecy of the darkness coming…and my pregnancy was not the

worst thing that could have happened to this sweet Catholic girl.

Till next time.

Mama