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Beauty

Mama in the park 2005

Mama in the park 2005

Beauty
True beauty in the mind… beauty in the soul and beauty in the body
can only come from you God!
My soul leaps for joy, my heart is changed and my mind is raised to loftier thoughts when I am near beauty, hear beauty or see beauty. Because of it, I become a better person!
Grant me the grace of magnifying your beauty on this earth through my thoughts, words and actions, Amen

Part 3: My Life in the late 60’s and 70’s and The Spritual Charasmatic Movement

Ok, I hope you read one and two. As you notice my grammar isn’t very good. But gosh I need to get this out of me and on paper for someone to read it.  I am sure my kids even haven’t heard all these stories before out of my mouth… but if they did, would they, at the time believed…now that they and I are older…maybe now they and you will. The experience hasn’t changed. I still tell it the same way perhaps with a little less details. Alls I know is that it’s time to post them for posterity sake.  After all, being heard is one thing, being believed is another.

 

Well, the time period its post dental school circa 1972, with my first husband the now dentist. We moved back to a place in Southern California…Hawthorne was our first apartment in 1972.

 

I started to want to stir up my faith again…I had no fellowship group, no born again Christian friends, no church that I felt I belonged. Just a mother that was off the deep end for Christ. And as the years went on …I became glad for that…cause life was extremely hard on that precious soul…Jesus literally “saved” her…its a good word actually.

 

I am now 22 and looking for a church. I wandered into a Catholic Church nearby, I won’t say the name, I want to keep story anonymous. It was a standard Catholic church. Dark, stained glass windows …nobody talking to you before or after daily mass. Just the way most Catholics liked it…meditative…personal…private…a sacred you and God thingy.

 

But that isn’t what I wanted…since that red headed Baptist lady prayed for me and I converted in one night…yes in one night. Did I tell you that story? Ok…maybe I forgot to include the fact that while I was waiting to be flown back to Chicago in 1969 to help my first husband through dental school..some lady at the preschool I worked at… prayed for me. No one ever prayed for me like that ever up until that time. So , I guess I should tell you what happened.

 

One night after closing of the preschool…she came up to me and said… I am leaving cause they(the principal) said I can’t teach about Jesus in this school. I knew that…I told her…its a secular school …Honey…why don’t you teach in a Christian school? But they don’t need Jesus like these kids do, she replied. That may be true…oh…I am sorry La Vern…that was her name…I got to say that much.

Oh, did I also mention that she changed my life…that night.Or should I say, God did, through her obedience.

The very next day…I kid you not…I was completely dressed different and went out to the same bar…”The brothers Two” it was called in Torrance/Redondo area. It now should be called the Apostles John and Peter…cause I marched in there duty bound…and positive that no one in California knew about Jesus and I would start in my favorite bar to tell of the wonderful experience I had.

I got beer thrown on me and was jostled out by my friend the bouncer…I forgot his name. But he liked me before…they all liked me…even the bartender said…Lauren I like you …what happened…you have completely changed!

Wow…I didn’t take drugs..gang…I just got prayed over (in tongues) accepted Jesus as Savior and took and read a few chapters of the bible…specifically Romans, Corinthians…and knelt and prayed on my own for Jesus to take me and change my life…and I guess…THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED…HE TOOK ME AT MY WORD…CAUSE I TOOK HIM AT HIS WORD!

 

P.S. Guess where I am temporarily living for now…with my daughter in La Verne California…. LA VERNE…THE SAME NAME AS THE LADY THAT INTRODUCED ME TO JESUS…PERSONALLY IS THAT A COOINCIDENCE OR WHAT. Incidentally, she chose the town to live in I didn’t…and she doesn’t even recall me telling her this story ever or the Lady’s name.

That’s all for now..till  next time in Part 4…

 

love,

Mama

 

 

Part 1: My life in the late 60’s-70’s & the Spiritual Charismatic Movement

God help me write this true story.

 

Dear readers…I am now going to be very honest with you. This is the true story of how I came

to Christ and the events that lead up to it.

The sixties was a very maddening time.  Besides that horrendous war in Viet Nam, there came

with it a fear of being drafted which permeated every dating relationship. Most women were

doubtful of the truth of why they were being asked to be married. Fear of deceit and whether

or not they should wait for them to return since they thought they might just be waiting for

completely different man to come back. So many soldiers despaired over there. I was told

by one soldier that many of them used marijuana  and other drugs while over there to

soothe themselves. Many came back very broken to which a large number of Viet Nam vets 

continued to use drugs even after the war too…they feared that too.

 

Now at home there was no real stability in the general moral populace, that I saw. If

there was hope in the world i didn't see it from my angle. And years later my

suppositions seemed to be right in recalling the whole time of the sixties.

 

 And what's with this sexual revolution that was seeming to be happening

There were oftimes  some men at every job my mom and I had…the men were more like sexual

predators and there were no legal

guidelines at work to protect us from sexual harassment. This kind of attitude toward women

was prevelant..for men were being influenced by women of a looser character to spread that

thought…so that even innocent women felt victim to their voracious apetites.

 

There was a  beginning of a deteriorating of family life through divorce, teenage rebelliousness,

drugs, promiscuity, adultery and what the hippies called "free love." There was nothing free about

it …for out of that movement came , disenchantment with long lasting

relationships, broken heartedness, venereal diseases and what I believe was the aids virus.

 

I was from a family of five…mom and dad both Italian Catholic. Dad wasn't much of a lovey

dovey" present" father…he gambled a bit and was always fighting with my mom..or should i say

she was nagging at him to become a better husband and father cause he spent his money

foolishly. He was a good and hard worker but had a hard time finding painting contracting

jobs. It was "seasonal" boy did i hear that alot. Just like today with all the temporary job market..

 

My sister got married at 17,  and after a few years was already having her first child by the time

my brother was at UCLA.   

But then things started to change…Mom seemed to have changed toward Dad and us.

She had started slowly to first break down in early sixties with a mental collapse

for she was carrying the whole load of working for us. Her absence from

the house in the hospital made my dad repent of his bad behavior.

I had to take care of mom emotially at 16 through graduation age during that time  so I

didn't have the normal life most teenage girls have in high school. I had never had a date.

I wasn't even asked to the prom.

 

I was quiet at school cause of the pain in my heart at home for so many years. I never

even wanted to remind my dad to come to my graduation for I feared him

putting on a scene cause of his temper.  I  was still so innocent and naive by the time I was

graduating  in 1963. I was going to the Catholic church once in a while and got all my

sacraments. I considered myself a good girl and kept myself pure.

Dad finally got a  good creative job working at universal  and working on the Batman TV

series. sets . He came home happy and fulfilled. Life was better than it ever was.

 

Then my world fell apart. first my mom became a different person that I knew. She went from a

depressed wife despondent and exhausted to a fervent in prayer,worship , Pentecostal acting

and Jesus loving fanatic. I was a quiet God fearing Catholic kid. I never knew of such

behavior nor did I see it on TV.  She listened to Christian radio continually and would pull

me into her bedroom and say listen to this..or show me some scripture from the bible. I didn't

know it then but there was something happening in the religious world. Many people were

starting to feel called by God to go back to their churches that they went to as a child. Others, my

mom said were feeling a pull from God through the radio. People having dreams and miraculous

experiences in own homes…not in the church pews. People were finding spiritual fulfillment

through reading scriptures…and even in the Catholic church there was a movement going

on called the Charismatic movement of the Holy Spirit.  All this talk eluded me…cause

i wasn't listening to any of it.

 

Once , when i was going out with some friends to party…she said..she was praying for me

to not go and to stay home …I just got mad at her and said be quiet I don't want to hear any

more of this talk..I don't know you anymore..who are you..and slammed the door.

 

The next few months in college was so much fun…so many cute guys…new friends..the

interesting classes. I loved the theater arts class and hung around some hippie types.

I didn't do drugs but i thought they were fun. I was getting good grades too. One guy even

asked me to be one of the homecoming girls to sit on the float. Wow.

 

Then suddenly everything changed…i felt like my world was collapsing. First the counselor at

school yelled at me for wearing long pants for it didn't match the criteria for the dress code.

She called me weird names like I was a hippie…a hippie whats that…i just like to wear black

pants..I rebelled and got mad so i dropped out of all my classes…except my

dancing class. Dumb huh…but that was the spirit of those days …a sense of not wanting to

be told what to do. The "establishment" was stupid to us kids…in those days…we knew

better..we would change the world..with our own way of doing things…But thinking back..nobody

every had any plans of change in mind..yet.

 

The next thing was guys started asking me to marry them…I mean alot. I was so ignorant of what

was behind it. Darn where were my parents…they were in their own world.

Then Martin Luther, JFK, Bobby Kennedy was shot. We thought there would be all out world

war 3 that week. We were all crying that day..and at the end of the day…we went to bed exhausted

and fitfully worried. My brother then yells down the hallway to all of us in the throws of going to

sleep. I was drafted today. All the lights went back on and we stayed up a while talking and

crying over him. But mom had faith…she said God will take care of us… Geesh…where

does she get off talking like that..he might die now…Just when things were starting to get

better…Where is God in all of this mess?

 

I didn't know it but my mom was praying for me constantly while I was attending college, doing

plays and dating.During this time my mom was preaching to my dad constantly. He was

really changing…so whatever this religion my mom got was…it was helping my dad. My

brother finished his tour…but not in Nam. My mom prayed for him to be safe..and suddenly

they shipped him to the Panama Canal..and there he stayed for the remainder of his service

time…mmmm…that is the second miraculous thing that happened!

 

During this time I dated one guy for several years on and off amongst others..Let's call him

Alphie . I always was  keeping to my Catholic vow to stay pure till I was 21. Why not till married. I don't remember I just made

it till then.Things were good and i didn't want to disappoint my severely strict dad too.

 

Right before i turned 21….I was with a guy in a band named Pete…he was

different from the other guys..kind and quiet and sweet. He seemed to not be into drugs like

them. That night at a party i told him i wanted to leave cause of the wildness…he started talking

to me in a serious way. He said..why are you here? You are a good girl not like the others.

I told him i wanted some fun. I told him I wanted to meet guys..you know. I still wasn't getting

the warnings. He asked me if I believed in God. I said yes. He said..how do you know God

exists? I stammered in my reply and just say…well…I believe because of creation. Look at the

stars and the sun and moon and planets..it doesn't just get up there by itself…all this beauty

God made…thats why…but i never talked to him about  my church or the sacraments or Christ.

Cause I didn't know at that time. Well I never saw Pete again after that. He died the next day

in a motorcycle accident. I pondered about that…thinking…I hope he went to heaven. Gosh

i was the last person to talk to him about his question…i hope he's ok…God…help Pete…help

him get to heaven. Then i thought about my own soul for a few days…but then again went

back to my old lifestyle of ignoring God.

 

My life completely change when it was the night of my 21st birthday…

oh if i could have gotten that night back.how naive and foolish i was to put myself in

jeopardy that night. But with no warnings and no teachings from my mom…she tried..

remember i didn't want to hear it. It was four years that i had fell away from going to church.

I wasn't very spiritual. I had some warnings.

This boy I told you of earlier..Alfie…was secretly drafted and didn't tell me.. He was was at my

party and acting strange toward me. He was talking cheaply to me and wanting me to break my

vow that night. I told him….if you are finally interested in marrying me then why don't you call me

more. He said..he would and started getting amorous with me. I was mislead by his phony

charm and he attempted to press the issue, if you know what i mean. I resisted with all my

might succeeded in getting away from him. I drove home devastated. I had never gotten into

such a compromising position like that. I lost all respect for him, and myself…why would

he treat me this way..unless i am becoming cheap myself?

 

The next month brought such misery. I went to confirm a fear of mine that lead me to believe

i was pregnant…i wanted to die from shame when the doctor said..congratulations you

are pregnant. Tell your husband the good news. I had lied and told them i was married.

Thats what you did in those days…to protect you from be ostracized.

 

When i told Alfie..he said…."Its your problem."

I pushed him against the wall and said.."aren't

you going to marry me…He said no. Feel sorry for me I am going to Viet Nam and will

probably die!" The rejection and despair on both of our parts was palpable. I felt so

overwhelmed , lost and afraid. I rushed out sobbing and angry at him. He left and disappeared

out of our lives after that. He only came once to see the baby but that was it.

 

"Can this life be any worse?" I moaned. Yes , it did get worse…I started contemplating

suicide…one night in the first months of my pregnancy i went to a bar by myself and just sat

there..i didn't really party..just listened to the music ..i was bored and depressed so i started

to leave..some guy there that i saw from time to time..said hey give me a ride home ok?

I wasn't thinking or protective of myself …so i drove him home. When we got up on the hill area

of his home..he said i left my car here…just lets talk first..you seem depressed..So stupidly i

parked with him in a dark place. i must have been under a spell..or so it seemed…to my foolish

brain that he seemed nice. Then he went from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hide. It was happening all

over a again…the assault…being pawed at…I got so mad..i kicked him out of the car.

I wept so bitterly after he left and felt so dirty and worthless ..that i began to think…that's it

i quit..what am i living for this kind of life..is this all men think about..whats more is this what

they think of me? I am just a looser…so i started to move the car at the edge of the cliff.

Just then a feeling of great evil came over my whole body like i was transported into a feeling of

a haunted house movie..such an evil…i can't even explain…Is this what suicidal people feel

well i want no part of it. But as i drove backward…away from that spot the evil followed my

spirit. I started to drive to the top of parking light where the lights were and i still felt it. I looked

around but there was no one.

 

Suddenly a car was behind me..a sport car…was it the guy's car that i dropped off? How could

i know …i am not getting out of my car.

This car then quickly starting seeming very evil too…like it was some sort of killing machine.

I started banging my bumper. I drove quickly away. it caught up with me. It drove on the

outer part of the street trying to force my car over the cliff. What? Is he going to kill me?

He probably thinks i am going to the police and have him arrested..that's  it. Or so I thought

it was him.

He followed me down the hills and highways as I sped off. Where were the police when

you need them. Not only were there no police cars but no cars at all..and it was only around

11 or so. This night doesn't make anysense. I thought it was very twilight zone. Or something

from a horror movie.

Finally he trapped me into small bridge area…i couldn't go forward . Something inside of me

said..stop and pray…pray i haven't' prayed in years. I prayed..God help me..then i had

the sudden realization that i had another life inside me and it gave me courage to

save us both.  I saw i was running out of gas and I touched the car's dashboard and said.

.come on baby you can do this.

He reved his engine… several times..for me to look at him..i didn't want to.

But i then did. Now what i tell you is quite fantastic..but it is utterly true…

When i looked at him …he was neither the man i dropped off…nor even any normal human

person i have seen on this earth. He looked like …pure and simply put….a demon. His hair

sticking out from his head..his eyes bulging…and his teeth sharp and long and shaped in

wicked menacing grin…

 

I am telling you the truth.  I got the idea to pretend to back up while he followed my lead..i drove

out of that tight squeeze and onward to home. As i reached the end of the journey i saw a police

car down at the bottom of the hill almost to my house. I honked to them to follow me..they did

into a parking lot. They searched me suddenly thinking i was on drugs..but i kept saying

i am being chased by a madman for miles and miles.

They said young lady..we have been watching you on radar all those miles and there has

only been one light on it…yours…You are just making this story up.

They never ticketed me that night and followed me home safely. They knew i was sober but

didn't understand my story.

 

When i got home and shut the door behind me …i never was so relieved.

I sunk down to the ground and breathed a sigh of relief. My mother mother's voice

was heard …through the bedroom…"Lauren, is that you honey, I have been so worried about

you …i was praying for you all night."

Just then i felt such a grateful love for my mom..who kept me safe through

her prayers… Prayers? Why am I so grateful…am I finally

believing in God like she does?

I told her…I " am never going back to that bar  again."

I am going to find a nice man to marry so you won't worry anymore….ok? Ok …

i am  so glad you are home safe.  For some reason i was so anxious tonight

for you.

 Now you might ask yourself  about this mountain chase story that I told you.

i  too have often  asked myself several questions. Like: He wasn't a demon

demons are visable…are they? Perhaps he just had a mask.

 Maybe he is some sick person that scares people with it. Or why didn't I

pursue prosecute that young man that attacked you?

Cause I really believed it was demonic. That these fallen angels really do exist

and they sometimes manifest themselves to humans.

As for the prosecuting part…women never did do that that much…cause

in those days cause you felt..who would believe your story…

especially if you chose to be  at a bar and then deciding to driving

somewhat of a stranger home? See what I mean.

 

  As for God preaching at me..I wasn't as resistant in the months that

followed…i listened to her but with more patience.

But i still didn't want nothing to do with her lifestyle and i sure didn't want

to act the way she does. I did love her dearly throughout those turbulent years of the 60's. 

 

After this aweful and most enlightening night things started to change even

more radically…but for the good.

Last note for now….that night proved to me beyond a doubt that there was a hell

and demons. ForI felt an evil  like I had never felt before or since.

 And to me it said loads…to the fact that if there is an evil

like that..then there must be an opposite place…

a heaven, a God and….glorious angels!

 

Thanks so much for listening dear ones. Please stay with me as we go to part 2 .

Until then,

MamaMiaLove